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15 May 2013 @ 09:36 am
What's your town's crime rate?  
I don't often get to chill and read the university's student paper, but here I am, stuck in a coffee house waiting for the car to be serviced.  So I open up the Alligator and read "Attempted butter-knife stabbing results in Gainesville man's arrest."

You may have read it here first (if you live someplace else).  His aunt refused to give him more than $25, afraid he might spend it on cocaine.  So he grabbed her purse and they began to struggle.  (He's 49, so his aunt is probably well past Social Security age.)

He grabbed a butter knife and raised it to stab the poor lady, so his uncle stepped in and knocked the knife away, and all three of them were rolling around on the floor trying to gain control of the sublethal butter-stained weapon.

The cops showed up and the 49-year-old genius tried to snatch the officer's gun while he was being handcuffed.  They found his crack pipe, and he admitted that he "was trying to get ahold of the officer's gun so he could shoot someone."

No, he wasn't released on account of honesty.  He will probably be in the pokey for days.

And you thought your town was tough.

Joe
 
 
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mitch Wagnermswagner on May 16th, 2013 12:40 am (UTC)
When butter knives are outlawed, only outlaws will have butter knives.

Drop the spork and nobody gets hurt!
mythusmage on May 16th, 2013 08:11 pm (UTC)
See what happens when you artificially inflate prices.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )